Meanwhile, take a look at the comments this first draft sparked.
15 thoughts on “Under The Orange Tree”
I love how unprecedented and original this is! Truly! Unlike anything else.
The fact that your words flow so smoothly–how you stopped at all I haven’t no clue.
This is the best comeback story! I read it several times to get the chills all over again!
Thank you for reading and commenting Eiman – your feedback has given me a boost in confidence! I haven’t written a short story in over 15 years and so when this fought it’s way through my sleep at 3am, I had no choice but to sit up and write it! Looks like it was worth losing sleep over. Thank you.
Such powerful imagery in so few words……I felt the oppressive heat and smelled the citrus fragrant tree, heard the chirrup of crickets and was transported to memories of Delhi.
Magical writing Rabia. more …. more .. more please!
You used some powerful imagery yourself Paul! Thank you for the feedback and subsequent boost of confidence! I think this is the start of more short stories to come. Roald Dahl proved that you can hold a reader with a just a few pages of a story. He’s my role model in that sense.
Wow, what an amazing thought provoking short story! It takes courage to be able to write about such difficult issues but you have managed it effortlessly. You captured something that is so prevalent in today’s world. More of these short story’s please!
This is really good Rabia, thank goodness you e come back to writing, it is in your blood! Look forward to more and hope you’ll enjoy commenting on others work when you can.
Wow. This is heartbreaking, Rabia. The tension had my heart beating. There are some great lines in here, such as “all that hangs in the air is the sound of his panting.”
[Made editing suggestions here – these have been removed because they will give the story away]
Rabia does not shy away from controversial, difficult topics! I like it.
[A.M. Justice is the author of two novels – A Blade Of Amber – A Wizard’s Lot – for more info visit: http://www.knownearthworks.com ]
Oh… oh wow. I would HATE this man in the real world, period. I am fervently pro-life, so the fact that you brought me to empathize with a man that [Comment contained here has been removed as it would give the plot away] is impressive. Forgive him, definitely not, but his fear driving him to [Comment contained here has been removed as it would give the plot away] is understandable, and his consequent self-loathing. Nice work!
I don’t really have anything to add. I would also hate this man. [Comment contained here has been removed as it would give the plot away.]
However, it is very well written to have evoked these feelings inside of me. Could I read it? Not likely because it would raise my blood pressure to much.
[Made editing suggestions here which have been removed as they give story away]
I like it a lot. I like that he hates the people doing the same thing he’s doing, even though he’s doing it for a slightly different reason. I also like that he is a monster and a person, because the scariest monsters are both.
[Made editing suggestions here which have been removed as they give story away]
But all in all, I thought it was disturbing and good.
I’m blown away by the number of comments and positive feedback this story has received. It is indeed a sensitive topic and would be disturbing for some. I appreciate everyone taking the time to read it and offer honest opinions. I especially appreciate the thorough and detailed editing suggestions made by AMSJ & JR. Thank you.
[Comment contained here removed as it would give the plot away]. My optimistic hope was that the man was hurrying to in some way protect the child and perhaps his mother. This man is such a tortured, pathetic character! Thank you for sharing your work.
I love how unprecedented and original this is! Truly! Unlike anything else.
The fact that your words flow so smoothly–how you stopped at all I haven’t no clue.
This is the best comeback story! I read it several times to get the chills all over again!
http://achickwhowrites.wordpress.com/
http://eeelmusharaf.wordpress.com
Thank you for reading and commenting Eiman – your feedback has given me a boost in confidence! I haven’t written a short story in over 15 years and so when this fought it’s way through my sleep at 3am, I had no choice but to sit up and write it! Looks like it was worth losing sleep over. Thank you.
Such powerful imagery in so few words……I felt the oppressive heat and smelled the citrus fragrant tree, heard the chirrup of crickets and was transported to memories of Delhi.
Magical writing Rabia. more …. more .. more please!
You used some powerful imagery yourself Paul! Thank you for the feedback and subsequent boost of confidence! I think this is the start of more short stories to come. Roald Dahl proved that you can hold a reader with a just a few pages of a story. He’s my role model in that sense.
Wow, what an amazing thought provoking short story! It takes courage to be able to write about such difficult issues but you have managed it effortlessly. You captured something that is so prevalent in today’s world. More of these short story’s please!
Thank you for the wonderful feedback Asha! I’m there’ll be more short stories for you to read – watch this space!
Well, welcome back to writing! This is an excellent come-back piece.
http://www.stellawulf.com
This is really good Rabia, thank goodness you e come back to writing, it is in your blood! Look forward to more and hope you’ll enjoy commenting on others work when you can.
Wow. This is heartbreaking, Rabia. The tension had my heart beating. There are some great lines in here, such as “all that hangs in the air is the sound of his panting.”
[Made editing suggestions here – these have been removed because they will give the story away]
Rabia does not shy away from controversial, difficult topics! I like it.
[A.M. Justice is the author of two novels – A Blade Of Amber – A Wizard’s Lot – for more info visit: http://www.knownearthworks.com ]
Oh… oh wow. I would HATE this man in the real world, period. I am fervently pro-life, so the fact that you brought me to empathize with a man that [Comment contained here has been removed as it would give the plot away] is impressive. Forgive him, definitely not, but his fear driving him to [Comment contained here has been removed as it would give the plot away] is understandable, and his consequent self-loathing. Nice work!
this is a difficult topic. it flows
I don’t really have anything to add. I would also hate this man. [Comment contained here has been removed as it would give the plot away.]
However, it is very well written to have evoked these feelings inside of me. Could I read it? Not likely because it would raise my blood pressure to much.
[Made editing suggestions here which have been removed as they give story away]
I like it a lot. I like that he hates the people doing the same thing he’s doing, even though he’s doing it for a slightly different reason. I also like that he is a monster and a person, because the scariest monsters are both.
[Made editing suggestions here which have been removed as they give story away]
But all in all, I thought it was disturbing and good.
I’m blown away by the number of comments and positive feedback this story has received. It is indeed a sensitive topic and would be disturbing for some. I appreciate everyone taking the time to read it and offer honest opinions. I especially appreciate the thorough and detailed editing suggestions made by AMSJ & JR. Thank you.
[Comment contained here removed as it would give the plot away]. My optimistic hope was that the man was hurrying to in some way protect the child and perhaps his mother. This man is such a tortured, pathetic character! Thank you for sharing your work.